Tossing the Garbage

Today I am writing again. I’ve found another publisher that’s paying me to write novels. It’s only part-time right now, but I’m just happy for the work. 

Work is the good the soul. It keeps you busy, and keeps your mind right. There’s something in us that’s made to get our minds and bodies exhausted, and fall into a deep, contented sleep. 

I’ve been sleeping better lately.

It could be because I’ve started running again. It’s been good for me. I spent the spring crying my eyes out with anger and frustration, and the summer trying to breathe and process through everything that had happened. And I’ve found that there are no real answers to why.

Why is a dangerous question to ask. As humans we’re built to ask it, but God doesn’t always provide an answer. We can drive ourselves mad trying to process through it all.

Processing. We have this concept built into us that we have to process what has happened to us to move on. Part of the processing requires us to understand why.

What I’ve learned, is tha sometimes, there’s no value in processing through it all. Sometimes, you just have to let it go. Sometimes things don’t wrap up nice and neat and pretty with a Christmas bow. 

Sometimes you just have to throw away the garbage in your heart, and call it what it is, and leave it at that.

It’s hard to understand that, when you believe that God is at the center of it all. If God is orchestrating all of our lives, then it seems that everything will eventually pan out like it’s supposed to in the end, right? 

But what happens when it doesn’t? What happens when God leaves strings undone, and simply instructs you to let it go?  

I thought for sure, God would pay me back for everything I’ve had taken from me. I thought for sure I’d be vindicated in the end. if I trusted him and follow his guidance in a situation, that I would end up victorious in the end. 

And in a way, I did end up victorious. But, in other ways, I’ve been stolen from. And I’m believing God to right the wrongs, and to give me back the territory I’ve lost. I’ve believed all summer. 

And yet, God didn’t do anything I expected Him to do. So what now? What do I do? I move on, and believe that he has a plan. I believe that in time I will be restored, made whole. 

My guess is that there are puzzle pieces I don’t know about. Things that have to fall into place before I can see full restoration. And, my guess is, that it might take a while. So, in the meantime, I just have to move forward and believe that God is good. 

Because he is. 

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