Over the last couple of weeks, I have been working really hard to find new opportunities for my writing. I have spent it kicking up dust and following every lead as far it goes. And, I’ve come across a few possibilities. Some of them I am interested in more than others. And some, I am really, really excited about.
And there is a tendency in me to want to barrage the heavens with prayers for this or that job. I search for signs, and look for the voice of God in every tree and blade of grass…I refresh my e-mail every ten minutes. I have to stop myself from sending too many follow-ups.
My philosophy this week is, let it be. Let it be. At some point, there’s nothing I can do. So just let it be. This is a hard concept for me. I’m a firm believer in the idea that God helps those that help themselves. I’m not sure how God feels about that concept, honestly. That phrase came from the Puritans, not the Bible. Maybe we’ve got it all mixed up and twisted. Maybe not.
And then there’s reality. No one is going to give you anything you didn’t work for. So, you have to go out and make your way. I don’t know.
I guess what I am saying, is that I am trying to find that fine line between hard work and trusting God. It’s not an easy one. I’ve been on the wrong side of each one multiple times—and it doesn’t turn out so well.
I’m learning more and more that this life is all about building character, and learning to trust God. That’s really hard.
Sometimes I am amazed at the genius of God’s plan for human redemption. It’s like, he births us into this fallen world. Then, he lets us spend our lives—a handful of decades—duking it out in this molotov cocktail of good and evil, pride and selfishness, and the intoxicating power of free will, love, hate, and every shade in between.
Then, when we have exhausted ourselves trying to sort it all out, he comes in and says, “Do you want help?” Sometimes we say yes, and sometimes we say no. Those times we say yes, we slowly, shade by shade, become a little more like God. And we do this until the day we die. It’s a genius plan, really.
And I guess if I had it figured it out, I’d be ready be to graduate from this earth. So, since I’m still here, I guess I’ll keep on fighting, keep on striving, keep on trying to make it all work. And keep inviting God in. Cause I’m exhausted doing this on my own.