The last few weeks it’s all been a game of waiting. Waiting. Waiting for that illusive moment, a beautiful moment when everything changes and everything you’ve worked for, was worth it. Each morning, I rise anew, telling myself that this will be the day. This is it. The day I have been waiting for. Every night I crawl into bed, disappointed and tell myself tomorrow was in fact the day. Tomorrow.

My computer has been down for two weeks. It caught a nasty virus that eats up all its memory.  I only have text files and average photos stored on it, so it shouldn’t have taken all the memory.  Just to be safe, I moved them all off it. It still says it has no memory left and won’t even let me do as much as save. Finally, after much consternation, and a couple of consults with a computer tech, this morning I have found I have to buy a recovery kit from HP and have it shipped to me. And I’m not even guaranteed that will solve the problem.

Why? Why do people make computer viruses? It’s never made any sense. Why would you want to do that to people? It’s just mean. It’s sort of like going around in a parking lot and bashing out people’s headlights. Just…why? I know there are evil people in the world, but I’ve always understand the truly psychopathic among us represent perhaps 1% of the population. The rest of humanity certainly wants to get ahead at whatever expense, but they typically don’t go around doing random acts of violence for kicks and giggles. But because some computer hacker in…I don’t know, Tel Aviv or something created a virus, now I have to wait to repair my computer.

Then there’s the job thing. After I moved back from California, I took six weeks to edit my novel. Now that it’s over, I need to find employment again. Without a working computer, this has been a formidable task, but I have made slow advances toward this. Now I am waiting. Then I am currently looking for an agent for my novel. I am waiting. Waiting for e-mails. Waiting next steps. Waiting for rejection while hoping for acceptance. It’s all about waiting.

The thing about waiting is you begin to wonder if you’re doing the right thing. Maybe you’re waiting for the wrong things. But anything worth having is worth waiting for, right? I hate waiting.