I am leaving this today. I am leaving this place that has felt so much like home. But it was never mine. Such a lovely place, but it wasn’t meant for me. I was welcomed well enough, but I have always been just passing through. So, I go on, still searching for home. Still searching for a place to belong. I’ve got a restless heart inside me, and where it will go, I still don’t know.
But I am so tired of looking for somewhere, for someone, to call home. I had hoped to find it here, oh I had so. And I found many things along the way. But, my heart still searched. Never quite finding its peace.
I am tired of endless searches, long empty wandering. Is there a place for me in this world, I wonder. I have fought so hard to create one. But maybe I just fought the wrong battles. At times I feel so close to something real. It’s like being lost in the woods, and knowing that just beyond this dense layer of bush, there is a vibrant, bustling city for the taking. Other times, I feel like a fool. The Proverbs lazy man, “He who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty,” the Teacher aptly warns.
I have been happy here. But it was always someone else’s game. I was just a player here, for a time. Beyond, that, this lonely road is the only thing I really know is mine. And as I travel on, I ache for something more. Something of my own. Something truly meant for me.