Ladies, really? Come on now, really?!

As women, we are gentle creatures. That is not to say, we are the blushing, swooning, lip-biting belles of lore, for whom the mere mention of profanity or what happens in a master bedroom, would send us into vapors. Not at all.

Although, I will say, on my college newspaper staff, I was the only female editor. Every Tuesday night, the guys and I would lock ourselves into the newspaper office and moonlight against deadline. (What could I say, we were college kids. Pulling a panicked all-nighter was easier than planning ahead). As the hour got later, the conversation would turn progressively more—shall I say—casual. Until they remembered I was there. Then, I would get apologized to about every fifteen minutes or so. I would just laugh, never admitting the topics didn’t bother me. I actually found the chivalry endearing.

Chivalry aside, most modern girls don’t mind a dirty joke or two. In fact, they will tell a few themselves, and can usually swear along with the best of them.

However, there still is an intrinsically gentle streak that makes us uniquely female. We do tend to take life a little softer. We like scented candles, and can tell the difference between different air fresheners. We love spritzers, and lotions and pretty perfume bottles. We love pink and lace and ruffles and bows.  We buy frilly dresses with the flirty little swirl that swishes when we walk.

And for all you gals out there taking exception….PLEASE. That’s all I have to say to you. PLEASE. I worked at a Macy’s. I know what you buy. You buy the necklace with the iridescent pink and purple beads, and then ask for the matching bracelet.  You buy the bright red platform wedge heels with the flower in the middle because, “they’re cute.” You spend twenty minutes debating whether you should get the gold hoops or the silver ones to go with the floral print shirt you just bought. I know this, because you ask my opinion. Yeah, so don’t even. Don’t even play.

So, with all this dainty, frilly, girlishness going on, here is my question: WHY? Why are we doing this to the public bathrooms? I took this photo in a mall bathroom stall this evening. And every one of you knows this photo is hardly the worst of it. It’s actually rather….tasteful…compared to some of the sights I’ve seen. So, then why?

Come on ladies! We organize elegant bridal showers where we have baked sixty cupcakes and sealed them together with fondant to shape them into wedding bells, and then added intricate silver beaded detailing. For our baby showers, we carve a baby carriage out of a watermelon and fill it full of tiny little fruits…All while working a full-time job, wrangling a houseful of kids, and somewhere in there, holding onto a marriage. We are women. We are superheroes in our own right.

So, WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS?!!

Our home bathrooms don’t look like this. I know, because I have stayed in houses all over America. Company manners aside, I am certain that these women generally keep their bathrooms scrubbed and reasonably tidy, and even put out candles and cute little towels and such.

SO, WHY? Why, when we go out in public, do we suddenly have to act like Neanderthals? It’s like, once the stall door shuts, we morph into Jane of Tarzan fame.

I don’t know why this happens. But, ladies, can we please, collectively practice some decorum in the public bathrooms? I’m not asking for Emily Post, the etiquette queen. I couldn’t pass her standards myself. But, just some regular flushing and cleaning up after oneself would do.

I know many women are clean and mannerly in the bathroom, and are just as disgusted as me. But, since this happens in locked stalls all over America, I have no names to call out, no culprit at which to point. I can only generally appeal to the overall sense of grace of and dignity in women across the country. You know who you are.

Please, if this describes you, quietly clean up your act. It would just make taking care of business in public much easier. Thank You. From All the Women Who Use the Stall After You.