Month: April 2014

In my elementary school word history class, we studied nomads. We learned that they lived in a place for a short time, and then packed up and moved when they got tired of it. I thought this was wonderful. A lifestyle of impermanence, not tied to anyone or anything. Free to blow in the wind…I had no idea my life would turn out that way.

I have lived in about thirty places. It may be more. I sat down and made a list one day, and arrived at twenty-seven. I have long since lost the list, and moved a handful of times since then. There are different reasons for each move. Money, different jobs, bigger/smaller/better place…all of the standard reasons…

But, in these years, I have become an expert mover. I can complete the task in a day…within a few day’s notice. I can quickly prattle off the top priority phone calls that must be made…electric, cable/internet, water…

I also know a number of handy moving tips and tricks. So, here it is, how to move nomad style. Notice I don’t use all of the proper moving advice you find on Internet moving checklists. I honestly don’t know who moves like that. I’ve never moved by the books and always get there just fine…and a lot cheaper.

• If you go to Wal-Mart after 11pm, the stockers are in full shift. They will gladly let you take any of their freshly emptied boxes off their hands for free. They’re just going to shred/incinerate them anyway.
• When you pack, include a small suitcase with two-three days worth of clothing and toiletries. On moving day, NEVER lose track of it. Keep it with you like a purse, and bring it over with the final load. There’s nothing like showering after a long, exhausting move, and having to unbury boxes to find clean underwear.
• Toilet paper should go hand in hand with the keys. The day you get the keys the new place, install a roll in each bathroom. Leave TP in the old house until the day you surrender the keys. (Or, simply leave it as a donation to whomever may follow).
• Leave an arsenal of cleaning supplies around until the absolute last load…the day you surrender the keys and grab the toilet paper. This is especially important if you’re aiming to get a deposit back.
• MAXIMIZE the space. Whether you’re using a U-Haul or a caravan of SUV’s, if every single vehicle on your property doesn’t look like a final round of Tetris, you’re wasting trips–which equal time and gas.
• On moving day, the first load should include: paper towels, case of bottled water, and trash can or hanging trash bag. (A stock of these things should remain in the old house as well). You will also need to buy disposable paper goods right off. You will probably eat out the first few meals, but it still may be a day or two before you can get your dishes unpacked and settled. And, even then, who knows where to find the dish cleaning supplies?!
• Don’t split hairs trying to notify everyone who sends you mail of your new address. If you need to ensure timely receipt of materials like checks, by all means, notify the sender. But, generally, a postal forwarding request is all you need, and this can be quickly filed online. From there, all of your mail will be forwarded to you for several months. All of your magazines, bank statements, catalogs, etc. will receive an address notification from the post office and they will update their records accordingly.
• For less expensive glass, skip paying for bubble wrap. Go to your local grocery store, and grab several handfuls of those free newspapers in the lobby. Not the daily newspaper. I’m referencing those local publications devoted entirely to classifieds. It’s where people sold their ten-inch rims and twenty-year old cars before Craigslist. Those papers still exist, they’re absolutely free, and no one ever reads them. But, they are great for stuffing mugs and vases and wrapping plates and knick-knacks.

Tomorrow, I move on. It’s been almost a year since my last move, and my memory has failed me a bit. So stay tuned in the next few days, for the Nomad’s Guide to Moving Volume 2.

Stress. It’s that generational buzzword we broadly attribute to all manner of facing complexities in the first-world. We have a great reverence for stress.  We wear it almost like a badge of honor. “I am stressed, therefore I must somehow be important.”

Once we have diagnosed ourselves as “stressed,” we can tap into a vast network of “coping mechanisms” to handle said stress. Solutions range from the healthy–exercise, meditation, going out with friends, watching television, to the unhealthy–drinking, drugs, avoidance, overeating, violence, etc. Any modern American knows these well.

But, the problem with these coping mechanisms, is that that is all they are–a means to cope. So, you are sitting in the movie theater with your five best friends, watching a really funny movie and you can almost physically feel the tension leaving your body like a deflating balloon. You sit in the dark, and you think, “You know, it’s not that bad. Sometimes, life is just life. I’m taking myself too seriously.” And you laugh at all the funny parts, and you let it go.

Or, you read one of those great motivational books that we are so good at writing in our culture, and we all get pumped up. “Life is all a matter of perspective,” you say. “I am in charge of my own destiny. I will conquer.”

You float around all night on a cloud of happiness. You wake up in the morning and lazily stretch and rise, waltzing around like Cinderella humming through her morning ablutions…when suddenly…BAM! Reality hits.

It wasn’t just an overreaction. It wasn’t just you taking yourself too seriously. This isn’t in your head. The problems are real. And big. And you have no idea how to fix them.

The night before fades away, and by lunchtime you are a basket case again. You stare at your club sandwich paralyzed, and totally overwhelmed with anxiety. Then someone comes along and gives you the sweetest little pep talk. And, it lifts your spirits…until…

Stress. No amount of positive thinking, motivational speaking, or aromatherapy candles can fix the things we can’t control. It can just give us the gusto to face them for a short while.

And then what? And what good does that do?

Today I’ve been thinking about cliche girls. I missed that class in junior high, I guess. Because I’m just not cliche.

I don’t really like chocolate. I’ll enjoy a candy bar once in a while, but I’ve never understood the propensity to go gaga over chocolate.

I hate Chipotle. I prefer real Mexican food instead.

I try not to eat a lot of trash, but I’m not really into health food. I don’t care where it’s grown,  or how it’s fed or raised.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even really care about food.

To me, food is like taking a shower. You do it regularly because you have to, and it can be enjoyable, but it’s really not that big of a deal. I hate Diet Coke, or anything marketed as diet or low calorie. If you’re going to eat it, man up and eat it. If you’re not, then don’t.

I like Starbucks because it’s a good place to write, but honestly, I could take or leave their drinks. Sure, I like some coffee with my creamer, but I don’t know actually know what an espresso or cappuccino are.

I go to the gym because the physiological response to a workout boosts my creativity and helps with my writing. I’m not secretly there to meet guys or be in some sort of trendy yoga clique.

I haven’t really owned a television in over ten years. Sure, there have been a couple of months here or there that I have had one. But, I got rid of it for some reason or another, and I didn’t really notice. As such, I’ve never watched an episode of Dancing with The Stars, American Idol, the Bachelor, and I absolutely refuse to acknowledge The Kardashians.

I read Cosmo the way some people go to the zoo. “Really? Is this how Normal Humans behave? Interesting.” I watched Sex and the City for the same reason.

I’ve never posted a selfie, made the “duck-face,” on MySpace, or owned any high-end clothing/accessories. I wear make-up on occasion, but it’s not what makes my world spin.

I have a few pairs of high heels, but I prefer flip-flops and have never owned Ugg boots. My eyes glaze over if you talk about fashion, I’d prefer to talk about philosophy instead.

I’m just not a cliche girl.  Is there anything wrong with that?